I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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