FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
