hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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