i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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