I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
