I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
