Duck Duck Cougar?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
