I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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