i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
