You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize