Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
