i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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