Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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