so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I think I sprained my soul last night
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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