The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
