remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
