i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
