Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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