sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
