big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
