YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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