Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
