Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Screwed.edu
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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