remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
