I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My vagina just recognized that song.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize