The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
