i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
