Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
