I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
