think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
