Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
