Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
