Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
