My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I want to have your abortion
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
