Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Church boner. Awkwardddd
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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