1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
