remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
