Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Panties = found
Randomize
