Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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