i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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