you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize