he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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