Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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