Do you still have your period?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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