I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
