the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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