A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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