I skipped work to stalk him.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
