this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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