he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
