11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
