Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
