The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
