pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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