you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
