yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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