You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize