$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
did i just pee glitter
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
