It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize