Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
