I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize