u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
