I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
