good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize