Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Come on in and take your pants off
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