so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
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