I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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