he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
