Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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