Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
