rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just found puke in my bra..
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
