i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
