Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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