this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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