Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
dude. I can hear the air.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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