The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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