some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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