I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Randomize
