i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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