Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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