I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
