Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
