u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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